Writer: Michael Conti
The problem with one night stands is there are too many situations that can arise when waking up on a Sunday morning. Alcohol and recreational drugs aside, there is much fun to be had prior to and following the painful work that is leaving your bed or in this case, somebody else’s (or no bed at all). This can often be a painstaking process. Thankfully, there are an unspoken set of rules and guidelines that are seen as common knowledge among single folk. Here’s a few that I feel are pivotal whilst being an active ‘nightlife’ participant.
If you are wearing someone else’s clothes, they are now your clothes.
From my own experiences this is often the case. Don’t bother waking your ‘friend’ to give them back or retrieve your own, just get out of there. If one half of your special rendezvous has the decency to wake the other to trade possessions then boy, you got a relationship on your hands.
Don’t bother exchanging contact details if you’ve already done the deed.
This one can be tricky as often the potentially repeatable offence can be somewhat desirable or tempting. What’s done is done. You can’t expect to enjoy somebody again and again if you haven’t taken the time to get to know them first. Man, you don’t even know their name yet, get a grip on yourself. If you haven’t taken the time to get his/her number, forget about it, because they haven’t bothered either.
Don’t expect coffee unless you’re in for the long haul.
If your lover is waking you with a cup of coffee after a long night out, you have but two choices. Fly, or die. Well, not really die, but the death of your promiscuous social life at the least. Only someone interested in seeing you again would bother to go out of their probably hungover way to comfort you or make you feel welcome.
If you wake up in someone else’s backyard, you know you had a good time.
This is the easiest way to gauge whether or not your night was actually good. Forget about trying to remember what actually happened, the point is you know that you had fun, and that’s what really matters. In this case you should probably attempt to exit the premises via some sort of gate or fence. +10 points if you break a window on the way out!
So as you can see, some of the rules of the so called ‘one night stand etiquette’ apply in several situations. The most important thing is be gone quicker than the wind, whilst making the least possible ass of yourself so as to maintain whatever shred of dignity your appallingly drunken self has decided to cling onto.